I slowly walked up to the beautiful grand piano and set my music on the stand. I sat down- refusing to turn and face my peers who were watching my every move. I scooted forward on the bench, carefully placed my right foot on the pedal and simultaneously placed my hands on the keys. My fingers- no, my whole hands- were shaking. I don’t know if I can do this. I had worked on this piece for over two months, perfecting every detail, in order to audition at Piano Camp that began July 17th. The time came to play it in front of fifteen or so others, whom I had already watched play much more challenging, much more exquisite pieces. Not to mention the instructors sitting in the back of the classroom who were taking their own notes on my performance. I felt so incapable. So overwhelmed. Then I remembered the verse my cousin referenced to during our practice time. The verse that so many have referenced to through the years. “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) Breathe. Just breathe. “Light of the World You stepped down into darkness Open my eyes Let me see Beauty that made This heart adore You Hope of a life Spent with You “Here I am to worship Here I am to bow down Here I am to say that You're my God You're altogether lovely Altogether worthy Altogether wonderful to me “King of all days Oh, so highly exalted Glorious in Heaven above Humbly You came To the earth You created All for love's sake became poor “I'll never know how much it cost To see my sin upon that cross I'll never know how much it cost To see my sin upon that cross” I made a mistake. Actually, I made many of them. Even the final note of the song was played incorrectly. I was devastated. I lifted myself as gracefully as possible off of the bench. By this time, it felt as though just about every muscle and bone inside of me was shaking. I bowed out of obligation and returned to my seat. A blank stare was plastered on my face as the next student sat at the piano. Salty water brimmed my eyes and all of me wanted to escape. Oh, how I wanted to run away! I didn’t dare look around for fear that someone would laugh at me. My cousin, however, made a point to get my attention for a short while and attempted to encourage me with a smile as he mouthed the words, “good job.” I faked a smile back. Right, I thought, that was not a good job. I could’ve done SO much better had I been alone. I’m not good enough to be here. I want to go home. I’m not good enough. What is it that causes all these thoughts and insecurities? It is doubt. It is fear. It is worry. God specifically tells us through the Bible not to worry. In the sixth chapter of Matthew, verses 25 through 34. While all those verses have a lot of good I want you to read verse 26. You can go back and read the whole passage later. “Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” We are also told plainly that we are enough- with God. “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.” (2 Corinthians 3:5) You are valuable. You are good enough with God’s grace! On your own, you will never be good enough! You will never be satisfied with your efforts. Trust Him and believe that He is and always will be faithful. Have you ever felt as I did- wanting to run away from something? Do you feel insufficient, not good enough, or incapable of completing a task? Why do you think you worry? What or who helps you when you feel this way? Keep Smiling Anyway :) {Disclaimer: Don’t get me wrong, the rest of piano camp was absolutely amazing. I did my best and God is showing me I have to trust Him in everything, not just the good or easy times.} {Never Miss a Post! Click here to subscribe and get my posts in your inbox!}
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AuthorGod has given me a love for people and a passion to write. I love that the sky shows the creativity of our loving Maker, don't you? I hope you will join me on this journey through life exploring the beautiful creation God has made and the lessons that He is teaching me through it all. Categories
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June 2018
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